Do animals love each other?

If animals had what we humans called feelings, then perhaps the actions they take could be defined as love. A mommy chimp is often seen carrying around her baby in a way not at all dissimilar to a human mom. She may move instinctively if not thoughtfully, but she still manages to “show” love for her baby. Baby chimp clings tightly to mommy in a way that would suggest familiarity, he knows he is secure. Animals don’t want anything materialistic from each other, indeed they have no materials. They take care of each other, because it is in their nature to survive and ensure the continuance for that particular species.

Why do we love our children? Is it because they seem to show us unconditional love? Or is it because we know instinctively, that their love is pure and unfiltered by adult ego and ambition?

With that said, where does love come from? Or from where should the love you feel come? What is the source of love?

As I have come to understand it, the source of love comes from our need to survive. We started socializing around fires for cooking, playing and surviving of Homo sapiens as a species. We are stronger in numbers; and that which connects us together is known as a mutual love for one another. On the most basic of level, love is the feeling which assures our survival.

If you look at love as an action, then you can understand how humans can survive on it. Love will make you take care of the very young, and the very old in your family; Love will make you take care of your mate. The more people you have loving you visa vise looking out for you, the stronger your chances of surviving and thriving.

The love most of us experience today, seems to come from the Ego. We have taken ourselves out of our wild environment, we have gained so much in material wealth. Now love is so confusing, some of us think love owes something to us, that we deserve to feel that good feeling. I love him because he can buy me anything, I love her because she is gorgeous. I love him because he makes me feel good about myself, I love her because I am afraid and alone.

We love because we need to, we love because we know it is our just inheritance. Our love for each other was born of survival, please don’t let it die of too much onslaught from that pesky thing we call Ego.

True love can have no Ego.

Roxan Weir

http://www.weirunearth.com

Discover Your Truth, Unearth Your Soul

Dear Loved Ones,

Great day to you all and proceed with care and love. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Please take a few moments out of your busy schedule to bless the planet with light and love. Thank you.

Tools for life.

Proceed With Care And Love

Proceed with care and love and see the results in your life.

This is the call for today.

Proceed with passion for what you believe to be true and reap the benefits inside and out.
Proceed with the innate strength within you and stand tall like the mountains.
Proceed with care and love and watch as your energy dissolves all sadness and procrastination.
Proceed as your true self and allow your vibration to rise ever so high as to be one with the sky ever so clear.
Proceed with all that you’ve got and know that you have the Power within you to complete any and all things you are destined to.

To proceed or Not to proceed?

Let’s Proceed and experience fulfillment within every task we have chosen to do. Proceed and move forward ever so calmly and swiftly as the waters in the rivers flowing from one place to another.

Proceed with the knowing that you are Not alone. That there is an energy, ever so vast and expanded, ever available to guide you. This energy is within your reach, Right Here, Right Now.

Proceed! How long has it been since you have wanted to correct your diet?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have wanted to exercise?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have wanted to meditate?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have wanted to travel?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to go surfing?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to change your life style?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to speak your calling?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to heal yourself?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have decided to change your career?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to get a haircut?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to tell someone that you love them?

Proceed! How long has it been since you have been wanting to love yourself?

Proceed! Give yourself a Big Hug Right Now! Yes, Right Now. Stop whatever you are thinking about and give yourself a Big Giant Hug Right Now. Be one with yourself. Thank you for caring for yourself.

Proceed and move forward moment by moment, step by step, with a knowing that as you proceed all the wonder of all the magnificence of all the light of God and the whole Universe is within and without surrounding and loving you. Powerful yes! Truth yes! Love yes! Light yes! Life yes! For you are one with the Source of all good and grace.

Right where you are and Right where I am is the ever presence of the holly wisdom and intelligence, all available to all of us. So let us all use this wisdom and intelligence and proceed in our lives with care and love. For we are all worthy and deserving of living a joyful and glorious life in every way.

And so it is.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Please feel free to proceed and share these Insights with your friends, family, associates and enemies to Create Oneness with love and care.

May the love, light and blessings of God and the whole Universe surround, protect and heal you, your loved ones and the planet earth.

With Love, Gratitude and Respect

Truly, With God All Things Are Possible

© Copyright 2007 Spirituality Inside and Out, LLC

ABOUT MICHELLE

Michelle Morovaty is an Intuitive Spiritual Teacher and Healer. She has healed herself from many challenges including Lupus CNS, a car accident and divorce. She uses her intuition and universal guidance to assist people through the healing process.

For more about Michelle and her healing sessions see http://www.spiritualityinsideandout.com and for her guided meditation CD’s see [http://www.insidenow.com]

The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.
Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?
If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

Step 1: Communication With Yourself

The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.
A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

Mandy, is an Empathic Intuitive, Clairaudient, Card Reader and Energy Worker. She has worked as a psychic for many years and has her own CBS radio show called “The Voice Of Empowerment”. In her efforts to help clients through EFT she has authored the “Path To Emotional Freedom” EFT and Chakra deck as well as a Facebook Application based on the same cards. Mandy’s goal is to provide both sessions and self-help tools for those who wish to learn to heal themselves.

Love Poem Analysis And Introduction

This love poem is a tribute to all the women in the world who are true princesses without acquiring the title. They are kind and loving, compassionate and understanding, and wise beyond their years. They have the Souls of guardian angels and the hearts of the Goddesses.

A woman’s love surpasses all, goes deep into a man’s heart to heal it, to enlighten and embrace it with her sweet angelic energy. A woman’s heart loves unconditionally and understands the true nature of chemistry in a love relationship. She knows when to speak and when to keep silent and let her silence speak for her, cause words are not always necessary to communicate between two lovers who know each other on very deep levels.

Sometimes a look into your lover’s eyes is enough to understand what they need or what they are trying to convey, and only a woman with the heart and soul of a Mayan princess can understand and respect this depth of communication. We are truly blessed to have such a woman in our lives, and when we do realize her worth, we should cherish her with all our power.

This poem is a celebration to all what women do and give through their hearts, which they rarely ever get accredited for. I am here to tell you Thank You from the depth of my Spirit for being present in our lives, because your presence has made all the difference. We are grateful for you, we are grateful for you love and we are grateful to God for creating you as you are.

A Love Poem – The Mayan Princess

It’s something under a Christmas tree

A feeling engraved in my history

A star among the galaxies

The touch you feel in your fantasies

It’s something that you can’t foresee

A rainy cloud over a dry summer tree

She wets your mouth with a gentle kiss

Dancing all night like a Mayan princess

An angel at heart in a human form

She covers your eyes from the sandstorm

She spreads her wings, wanting to fly

But she’s pulled by a feeling she can’t deny

It’s such a pleasure to be in her presence

To be enriched by her voice and her silence

To know each day we’re getting closer

To connect on a level that’s so much deeper

This poem is written by Adrian Nour Jamal

Call To Action

Go to http://www.Facebook.com/ShortPoemsByLumiere and join the poetry community page on Facebook where you can read daily inspirational poems and song lyrics by Adrian Nour Jamal ~

You can also watch the poems in video format, played with soothing music and beautiful photos on http://www.YouTube.com/ShortPoemsByLumiere ~ Make sure you Subscribe to the channel.

Here are five simple ways to add emotional fuel to your relationship. Without emotional fuel relationships gradually lose the specialness that first brought the couple together.
Emotional fuel is created by:

1. Practicing daily niceties
Such as saying please and thank you, greeting each other and taking a moment to really look at each other, showing appreciation to each other, etc. These little polite interactions go a long way in creating closeness.

2. Remembering that love has to be earned
We earn love by how caring we are when we speak, how well we listen, how we go out of the way to help. In order to receive love we have to be love worthy. It is by our own behavior that we influence what happens in between both people.

3. Finding constructive ways to handle disagreements
Disagreements are part of healthy relationships. The key is to make sure that whatever decision is reached can be supported by both people. Otherwise you end up with a winner and a loser which is hurtful to one party. Take time to really listen so you understand why your partner feels so strongly about his/her position. Then share your position. Remind each other of the importance of coming up with a solution that both can feel good about.

4. Adding newness
Relationships will lose their luster if there is not an infusion of newness. Frequently one person in a relationship needs this more than the other. Be respectful of each others differences and find ways to spice up the relationship. Change your routine, surprise each other, laugh, do things that are fun.

5. Creating intimacy
When you show love and caring towards each other it will carry over into physical intimacy. If you value each other and have goals that you share you will want to be with each other. Intimacy is the process of sharing your life with someone else so that you can receive and give love, you feel you can be who you really are, and you trust that your partner will honor and not betray your trust.

Kristina von Rosenvinge’s expertise is helping people develop healthy relationships. She is convinced that by knowing effective self-growth and relationship skills that people can find solutions to many of their relationship concerns. You can get her free 33 Tips to Rekindle Your Relationship at http://www.rekindleyourrelationship.com.
To get access to her short report on “Building a Strong Personal Foundation” please visit http://www.kristinavonrosenvinge.com

When is the last time you really considered your loved one’s thoughts or feelings when you were making a decision that affected them? Most of us would like to view ourselves as considerate people, but what does it take to put this view of ourselves into everyday practice? Consideration of a loved one involves understanding of their thoughts and feelings and an effort to listen to them in a way that communicates respect and genuine concern for their well-being. What you find as considerate behavior may not be interpreted by your loved one in the same way. For example, you may think you are being considerate when you bring home flowers to your loved one. However, helping with the housework without being asked might be more in line with what your partner views as a consideration of their feelings and needs. Consideration is active. It anticipates and creates support before being asked. Consideration for your loved one is based on a real understanding of them as a person, and an ability to listen to what they tell you, and sometimes what they don’t say.

Communicating in a considerate manner about an area of disagreement is often difficult for couples. Sometimes one person is ready and willing to talk, but the other one is not prepared for the exchange. Deciding how to negotiate this difference in a respectful manner often sets a tone for how the couple will be interacting. It is useful to determine the best time to accommodate both schedules and insure that each person is ready to share. Once the sharing begins, it is important to demonstrate consideration by actively listening to one another. For example, a “hot” topic for many couples is how they spend their money. In most relationships, ideas about spending and saving differ. Discussing how, when, and where, money is spent or saved can be very stressful. Having this discussion in a considerate, safe environment goes a long way in helping make it a successful endeavor. Both parties need to be able to share their views without fears of being ridiculed or judged. Both need to be certain they have been heard even (and especially) if they disagree. To participate in a discussion in which each person feels heard, respected, and validated is as important in most relationships as finding the “right” solution to the problem. When couples are encouraging one another to communicate openly and fully, most well-meaning couples will find a workable solution to their problems.

Another practical aspect of being considerate is that it affords each person the opportunity to present themselves in the best light. Not needing to communicate defensively (always worried about being judged or criticized) allows each person to tap into their own wealth of knowledge and creativity. Often, the solutions that come from a couples’ considerate, non-judgmental communication, are far better than any one individual contribution or idea.

Being considerate is not difficult, but it does require thoughtfulness and a real effort to understand and anticipate your partner’s needs. When two people have a genuine love and affection for one another, they will make effort to do whatever it takes to make sure that they are meeting each other’s needs. When both people are practicing consideration, a loving environment is established wherein both feel understood and valued.

What do a bank teller, a gardener, a bartender and a packer all have in common?

Today I’d like to share with you the experiences of four people that I have recently met who have something wonderful in common. They all love what they do. And I mean LOVE it!

Sure, I know what you’re thinking – how can a bank teller love her job? And, what specifically is a packer? Well that one is easy – this person works in a factory and packs things into boxes that come off a conveyor belt. What isn’t to love about that job?

We’ve all heard the adage do what you love and you’ll never work another day in your life. This is great if a) you know what you love and b) there is a paying job doing it. This isn’t always the case.

If you know me personally, you’ll know that I’m a realist at heart. I love to dream, and I also know when dreams are realistic or if they’ll just stay dreams. I meet a lot of people who are sick and tired of their job and of their life and they want to do something new – something awe inspiring, something purposeful and meaningful. However, most people don’t know what that is. And even if they did, they don’t know how to go about getting a job like that.

Yes, I agree that if you can find work and get paid to do something you love, you should try it out. Even if that means starting your own company to do it. After all, you never know until you give it a go, right?

And if that isn’t possible – getting paid to do something you love… then just find what you love and get paid for something else.

Enter the bank teller, the gardener, the bartender and the packer.

Elise is 32. She lives with two room mates and her passion in life is travelling. She has been to 28 different countries and has the opportunity to travel about three months every year. How does she do this? Well – she works as a casual employee at a bank. She has been a teller for twelve years and eight years ago she made a ‘deal’ with the manager that allowed her to work for nine months in the year and travel for three, and come back to a job each time she went away. She doesn’t have to take her work home with her, she gets paid for the work she does, she works with nice people and she has the time to do what she loves.

Rob is nearly 50. When he was younger, he always wanted to work with his hands; cars and building are two of his passions. But, he never was good enough to earn enough money to keep himself gainfully employed, and his wife happy. About 15 years ago, after trying to make a living with his hobbies of fixing up cars and building things he became a gardener. Not an architectural type gardener, but someone who mows lawns, plants and waters flowers and will build the odd windmill every now and then. He didn’t love gardening, but working each morning from 6am until noon gave him a great opportunity to get paid for the work he did and spend the rest of the day fixing old cars and building things. Five years ago he had saved enough money from selling a few of his fixed up cars and things that he made, he bought a real fixer-upper house for very cheap. Now he’s spending most of his time (when not mowing lawns) fixing up this house. He truly loves what he’s doing.

Alex is 36 and for his whole life he knew he was meant to write. And write he does. He has completed 7 books as a ghost writer and is working on a few of his own. He doesn’t get paid all that well for writing, so needed either a real job or a way to satisfy his income requirements. Since graduating from University he has tried a few ‘real jobs’ – they paid well and he was working with nice people – but something was always missing. He wasn’t able to really put his time and energy into what he loves. So, Alex works as a bartender for 40 hours per week. Most of his other time is dedicated to writing. He has no false dreams that he’ll be the next JK Rowling, he doesn’t write for the money. He writes because it completes him. He works as a bartender so he can eat and buy ink.

And finally, Jeremy has been a packer for five years – but he has worked for the same company for ten years. Before taking a step into packing, Jeremy worked in the office as an HR generalist. He liked working with people, but not the administrative tasks, the meetings and long hours. He had friends that were packers and saw that they worked only their scheduled hours, got paid for the work they did and went home. He took a pay cut to move to the packing department – but he had the great opportunity to add to his life and do what he loved. He changed his shift to 7-3pm and he would then pick up his two children from day-care and be a dad for the rest of the afternoon. They would play at the park, go to the museum, cook dinner together and just hang out. While he had always been a good dad, having more time to be with his kids moved him to official Great Dad status with his kids and wife.

The world at large has somehow told us that we must love our job. We must find something we love and get paid for it. And, many people think that if they are not doing this they are doing something wrong. I’ve met many absolutely miserable people because they are working in a job they don’t like and have no idea what they are passionate about. Maybe that is the first step – find out what you are passionate about, what you love, what would get you out of bed easily in the morning if you were to get paid to do it.

I do absolutely subscribe to do what you love and you’ll never work another day in your life. Sometimes however, what you love and what you get paid for are two different things. Are you doing what you love?

Dr. Heidi Heron, PsyD holds her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and is one of the Principal NLP Trainers with the Worldwide Institutes of NLP. She runs a private Coaching Practice using the methodology of NLP and is a Counselling/Coaching Clinical Supervisor. Heidi has a passion for educating people to live the best life possible. Join her for an NLP Course in Denver, Sydney, Singapore, Malaysia or London. She is the co-author of 30 Days to NLP and co-developer of 7daynlp.com. You are welcome to email Heidi directly at heidi @nlpworldwide.com

For more more information please visit: http://www.nlpworldwide.com

It seems that love and relationships are something that humans have sought after and written about since the beginning of time. Indeed the bible which is one of mans’ oldest scriptures describes God’s unquestionable and unconditional love of man. Shakespeare describes archetypal true love and relationships through his characters Romeo and Juliet and Anthony and Cleopatra. Further fairy tales promote a love which is both true and almost unrealistically divine. The concept of living happily ever after suggests that at a certain stage of a relationship it becomes unconditional. It would appear that even in the most permanent and stable relationships cemented through marriage, love in the 21st century requires constant maintenance.

When couples begin courting love just appears to happen, usually lust for each other will induce feelings similar to love. These feelings appear to be enhanced or stimulated by the brain releasing chemicals at different stages. After this initial phase begins the honeymoon period where couples are very attracted to each other and nothing seems to be too much trouble. In this phase love is strong and couples enjoy finding out more about each other and their partners. Finally is the stage of a relationship where unconditional love would most likely occur. This is the stage of commitment, intimacy and passion where couples become attached and enter into commitments such as marriage or they may simply purchase a property together.

During this stage of solidarity (or attachment stage) one would presume that couples have survived numerous difficult situations and therefore would now have the strength to overcome all obstacles. This however does not seem to be the fate of many long term partners. In fact it would appear that many couples in the attachment stage find that their love wanes periodically or completely. Whether through unrealistic expectations (such as the guarantee of living happily ever after) or unlimited other reasons the statistics are that 50% of modern marriages fall apart. It seems that couples are failing to maintain the intimacy, commitment and passion needed to stay together. There is often a decrease in respect and often a breakdown of communication and needs. Many may ask why this occurs when everything was so perfect in the previous phase of the relationship. The answer may lie in poor maintenance and complaints handling during life’s trials and tribulations. Nevertheless, it would appear that unconditional love may be only found with God, between a mother/ father and sibling or maybe the other 50%.

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Rare, but it does exist. I have a dear friend who has never had a broken heart. Something inside her leaves before any damage can be done. I marvel at this. She is not cold and shallow, as one might imagine. She is open and loving. Who does this happen?

Most of us have to experience a heart that’s been broken, in order to restore us to compassion. At 51, she has avoided this common rite of human passage. She’s only experienced men who love her totally, with whom she is also in love and in control.

I’ve witnessed many a person who could benefit from their hearts being broken. They need to feel pain in order to touch that which is real, within. I’ve also known people who’ve never been in love. How does one live so many years, and not allow this marvelous vehicle to expand their reality? My friend was born of loving parents, to a loving world that supported her vision. She has instincts that protect her from useless heartache, and provide a natural sense of balance.

For the others… the multitudes that have suffered from heartbreak, what’s the difference? Is there a need to have the heart be broken? In most cases, I would say yes. When there is no depth of cut, there is no depth. It is the cut that creates the opening. I look at those who cannot feel, cannot connect and cannot appreciate the love they are given. Jaded, unappreciative and entitled, they stand outside the walls of love. Safe, impervious, and strong. What is strong? Is it the ability to not feel, or to feel? If “strong” is that ability to remain unaffected by those around us, perhaps the answer is that we should feel. It’s just life. Why not be alive to all the colors, light and dark?

It wasn’t until my first heartbreak, that I began to understand the impact of love. Until that point in time, I’d safely reaped the merits of being loved without experiencing the pain of loss. Consciousness is a continuum. Once we’re awake, there’s no going back to sleep. I’d hurt many a man when I was younger and unaware. I now enter relationships aware of the person on the other end– feeling, processing and attuned to my output. I have a responsibility. I must be as clear and forthright as possible.

What’s the goal in love? Is it the joy of being loved or the joy of loving? My friend exemplifies a rare case of giving and receiving love without pain. What’s her secret? Great parents, Karma or luck? It doesn’t matter. This is her reality. My friend is an anomaly. Not affected by the pain of love, she lives in the sunshine of each day. As I marvel at this version of love, I wonder. For which lessons did we sign-up, and for which must we continue?

The majority of emails I receive are regarding unrequited love. Why else contact a relationship expert? Unrequited love is woven throughout history. It’s the basis of books, movies and songs. Yet what is the reason for its presence? Why do some individuals experience only joyous partnership?

In my friend’s philosophy, the parameters of partnership are simple and straight forward. “Why be interested in one who isn’t interested in us? And, why love someone who isn’t able to love us?” Sounds logical. It makes sense. With that easy take on love, why do so many experience a different reality?

If this woman is any indicator, it’s to highlight the idea that it may not be necessary to feel the pain of love- as long as we can love. Perhaps she has the natural instinct to connect only to those men who are fine human beings; honest, faithful and committed. Perhaps it’s because she has only had a few men in her life, but chose them carefully and with the clear intention of being happy. Whatever the reason, she is not the norm. Her life does provide tangible proof that pain doesn’t have to be part of the equation. For that reason, I find her intriguing story worth mentioning.

Each of us has our own path here- things we’ve come to learn and things we’ve come to transcend. Maybe for the unbroken hearts, it’s just a different set of lessons.

Susan Winter offers cutting-edge information on today’s evolving models of love and partnership. Traditional relationship challenges, age-varied couplings and commonly asked dating questions are approached from a higher perspective, allowing readers the best possible romantic outcome. Additional articles and personalized advice can be found on the following site. http://www.SusanWinter.net.

“Love Actually Is All Around Us” is the full title of the movie “Love Actually”; a lighthearted, slightly irreverent movie about seeing love everywhere. It points out that if we would just look, we would see that all there is – is love.

Which prompts the questions, “What is love actually? What does love do? How do we see love more often? What does love feel like?”

It’s easy to “talk” about love. Songs, poems, movies, TV shows are full of talk about love. Love is the one word for God that almost all spirituality movements and religions agree as a quality of God. However, there is a huge gap between talk of love, the action of love, and feeling the effect of love.

The word “love” alone has no power at all to bring love, give love, and help us feel love does it? Does it help in a church to hear a sermon on love when the members of the church are at odds with each other, or visitors feel unwelcome for any reason? Does it help to hear the words, “I love you” if there is no evidence of love?

Love actually is found in the action of love. We are all moved by the accounts of love demonstrated when people gather to help those in need during “special circumstances” – but what about everyday love?

Years ago a friend asked me, “What is love” and I realized I didn’t really know the answer. It was a “duh” experience for me because it was suddenly obvious why I continually found myself in situations and circumstances that were not very loving to me.

To begin to understand love I made a list of qualities that I thought love would be. The list included qualities like these: always present – …no matter what the need – always giving, always available, always kind, and always generous. The list continued with more quality words such as comforting, providing, consistent, uplifting, and inspiring.

When I finished my list, I was shocked to discover that the true qualities of love were not what I “required” from human love relationships. If they showed up sometimes and in some ways, I thought that was enough. I had unconsciously agreed to the common human perception that love is only sometimes present, sometimes available, sometimes kind, and sometimes generous.

Once I rethought love, I started looking at love in my life differently. I realized that I didn’t even love myself enough to always be present to what I needed, to give it myself, to be available to myself, to be kind to myself, to be generous to myself. So of course, I didn’t expect anyone else to be that way to me either.

I didn’t try to change the human situation I found myself in at that time. Instead, I started to identify myself, and everyone I thought about, as representing and expressing the qualities of Love. I expected Love to be, in all ways, the qualities of kind, generous, available etc. This also included my response to others, no matter what the circumstances. I didn’t want to settle for “human love”. I wanted to start with Divine Love and let that spiritual perception work out my human love situation.

It did, and continues to do so as I remember to always begin with a spiritual perception of Love. If at any time I begin to think from a material limited perception of love, with the thoughts of “what about me” leading the way, then for that period of “missed perception” I feel separate from Love.

It’s true for all of us. When we base love on human material love we will always come up with “not enough.” However, we begin our thoughts and actions on the awareness of Love as all there is – then Love is easy, immediate, and healing.

If we desire to have Love be the action and effect that everyone feels, even in the remotest corner of our world, we must be willing to make Love the motivation of all that we do – and expect. When we base our thinking and our actions on the understanding of Divine Love’s always and all ways qualities, there will be no need to work to change people or circumstances.

When we choose to see with spiritual perception all we will know is Love. Any action we take that comes from this awareness will always be healing and effective. Living in and with spiritual perception we will experience in more ways, every day, the fact that Love Actually is All There IS.

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