If you’re trying to figure out how to save a marriage, it could be that you’ve got some built up resentment that is proving hard to get rid of. This happens in marriage quite a bit since living with someone for years and years can be tough. But wouldn’t you rather get rid of all that resentment and be happy in your marriage again?

How to Save a Marriage By Letting Go of Resentment Toward Your Spouse…

One of the problems with a marriage is that we’re in a “in it together” sort of situation. This means that all the circumstances of our lives are played out by joint choices and circumstances. So a lot of resentment comes out of the fact one spouse’s life (or both) hasn’t played out the way they wanted it to, and therefore the other spouse is blamed for that. Is that fair to the other spouse?

Well obviously not, but it’s also hard not to blame someone else when you’ve usually compromised on choices. One way or the other something isn’t going to work out for one person right?

But the fact is that if we want to get rid of this resentment and learn how to save a marriage then we’ve got to realize that most of the things that are going wrong in our lives and marriage are just as much our fault as it is your spouse. For instance my wife and I live in a town closer to her parents than my parents house. Therefore her parents get to see the kids much more often than mine just out of convenience. Doesn’t seem fair either right?

However, if I dig a little deeper then I could have certainly fought a little harder to move closer to my parents. In actuality it was the fact that my job at the time was closer to where we live now, so that was a huge part of the decision as well. Not to mention that very often the kids see her parents more because I enjoy going out and have no problem sending the kids there for babysitters when it suits me. So I’m just as guilty as she is when you look at it that way aren’t I?

Of course I am. Now I realize that this is a minor example but it’s sometimes the minor things that make a huge difference, and when let top simmer can end up being pretty intense. Other things are bigger problems. Maybe one spouse decided to give up working or give up some close friends of the opposite sex in order to make the marriage a happier and less volatile place. Again fair? Should one spouse have to give up a career or friends?

Well no, you shouldn’t have to, but if that’s what you agreed upon and that’s how it’s been, then you really can’t justify blaming anyone but yourself for it down the road. You ultimately are still responsible for the choices that you make, or let be made for you. If it’s a big deal then you should simply fight harder on a compromise for it…because if not then you’ve given up that aspect of it didn’t you?

You did for what at one time was a bigger cause, or a more important cause, so now resenting anyone for that decision is simply hindsight and no one is to blame but you for allowing that decision to be made for you. But it’s sometimes hard to look at this way right?

Well don’t forget that there are no hard and steady rules for marriage really. Things can be re-negotiated, things can change in order to roll with new circumstances and that’s often how to save a marriage very quickly…by renewing and reassessing circumstances and agreements.